Eulogy From Sue...

The last time I was in this church was June 11, 2005; the day John and Jessica were married. It was an extremely hot day and many of you will recall that according to Tony, “we really needed rain.”

Most of you know the story of how John and Jessica connected. It was in August of 2004. I remember Jessica telling me about a week after their first date, “Mom, I think he might be the one.” I first met John, where else, but at a high school football game. I drove with Jessica to Cortland and we sat through a three hour rain delay. I met John after the game; you only had to meet him once and you fell in love with him instantly. John often joked that he knew Jessica was a keeper after she sat through that game. John and Jessica’s love affair was on a fast track. They were engaged in November and married in June. I often thought that John knew somehow that their time was going to be limited so they had to squeeze as much living as possible in to the time they had together.

John and Jessica had discussed his funeral arrangements and typical of John he wanted to make sure that it was not all about him and that someone would pay tribute to his Jessica.

When John was first diagnosed, I bought him a journal. I opened it the other day and immediately felt as if I had violated something sacred. We all know how much John worshiped and adored Jessica. After all, this was a man that took his wife to a New Kids on the Block concert last summer and even said he enjoyed it afterward. His love for Jessica was unconditional. But until I read the journal, even I did not understand how deep and abiding that love was.On the first page he wrote, "12-20-05. I dedicate this and my life to God and my wife-both of whom I love so much. Jess, I love and adore you so much. All I want to do is to go home and hold you and never let you go.”

In fact he started most of his entries with “I love God and my wife” (in that order). When he first started writing in the journal he made what we would consider typical journal entries; recounting his days and sharing some thoughts. As time went on however, the journal became a running list of what he loved about Jessica. John wrote, “this list is for Jessica Buskirk, it is an attempt by her husband to list some of the things he loves about her.”

The list went on and on for pages, but just leafing through the pages, I read, “I love the way you love me, the way you look at me, the sparkle in your eyes, the softness of your lips, your belly button, your toes, your giggle, I love laying next to you in bed. I love the way you take care of me and how you push me. I love shopping with you, putting groceries away with you, I love watching you get ready in the morning." I roared with laughter as I read the entry, “I love it when you act like your mother.”

He continued to write to Jessica, “I love seeing you happy, I love the way you forgive me, the way you accept my faults, the way you make me such a better person, your passion, your strength, your faithfulness, how you fight for me, the way you sacrifice for me. I love telling other people how incredible you are. I love my wife and all that she means to me, the way she makes me feel necessary and wanted, the joy she brings to every second of my life is indescribable. Thank you baby, for loving me.”

As was his love for Jessica, what a gift that journal is.

The family in friends talked about who might say something about John at the funeral, but where do you start? Where do you end? But after reading John’s journal, I started thinking about all the things I loved about John.
I loved watching you trudge up and down the sidelines
I loved the way you said, “exactly”
I loved our adventures, taking you places you had never been before-
I loved buying you things
I loved proof reading your papers
I loved hearing your stories about teaching
I loved how you listened to Tony talk about the farm
I loved how comfortable you were displaying affection publicly
I loved cooking for you
I loved watching you play with the dogs in the yard after Sunday dinner while Tony and Pat did the dishes
I loved how, even despite exhaustion and extreme pain, you called each nurse and caregiver by name and never failed to say “thank you”
I loved telling people you were our son in law
But most of all, I loved the way you loved our daughter.

I remember losing it in front of John on two occasions, sobbing uncontrollably, and each time as you would expect, John comforted me. The first time this happened, he said, “Sue, the past three years have been incredible” And again, last week, when he laid near death in the intensive care unit, I started to cry as I tried to tell him just how much I loved him. He struggled to find the strength to reach up and hug me and with a real sense of serenity, he said, “Sue, it is going to be all right, it’s OK,” and I knew both times that he was at peace with whatever God had in store for him. It was the rest of us who were struggling and it was for the rest of us that he kept fighting.

While John had many virtues, with John what you saw was what you got. Perhaps that’s what was most endearing about him. I remember one of the first times I met John’s mother, Kate. She described John as a “cement head.” Patience was definitely not one of his virtues. Even as he lay close to death last Friday, he was ready to get out of bed to head home, “let’s go, let’s do it.” And we have all found comfort this past week recanting the stories of his escapades with his brothers, cousins, childhood friends and college friends.

Whether you knew John for 33 years or never met him, he inspired, he made you a better person, he was self-less, courageous, gracious, and he epitomized goodness. Tony and I often said, he was an angel that was sent to heal our family and for that we will be eternally grateful.
-Sue Stocker, John's Mother-In-Law