Little Steps, One Day At A Time...

It has been awhile since I have put something up. I have been keeping busy with financial things which need to be taken care of; things that come up here and there, and many thank you cards. I'm doing pretty good so far. I think because John and I had talked about this happening at some point; not necessarily by the way things happened with the infection. We knew the Leukemia coming back after the transplant was not good, so that gave us time to start to grasp what could happen.

A part of me thinks he knew because he always said Luke was with him, that I shouldn't be a widow at 30 years old and that everything would be OK. It sucks for all of us that he is gone, but amongst the many things that keep me going is knowing that he doesn't have to fight this awful disease anymore and knowing the man that JOHN BUSKIRK was and still is, the people that he touched, inspired and loved shows what he accomplished in his 33 years of life. The amount of people that I have talked to that say they have learned so much from him and they want to change their life because of him makes me so happy because that is what he wanted to do.

Since John passed on January 10Th he has been playing some tricks on many people; Coach Timonere's sink blew up, McGruder's dishwasher broke, Jan lost his license and credit card, the dogs have flipped out not quite the same and my brother tore his ACL the day after the funeral. Many of you got to meet my parents dog Dewey. If you knew him, you know that he could be very "friendly" whether you were human or a dog. He got fixed on Tuesday...but he hasn't quite changed his ways yet!

Many of you also know that the school was trying to get a patch with John's number 55 on it. Apparently there is a rule against that so they went with a black circle on their left shoulder of their jerseys. I went to lunch with some of the senior football players on Tuesday and they said Coach Penna took all the jerseys and put the number on anyway. My dad and I went to the game that night and nothing was ever said and shouldn't be. It doesn't hurt anything and it is a great tribute to John. The boys are taking such good care of me always checking on me by calling or texting even though this is such a hard time for them too.

My parents have surprised me with a trip to the Bahamas in the middle of February. It will be good to get away for a few days. It is somewhere John had always wanted to go since I always told him how amazing it was there. I will be returning to GATORS spring football practice in mid April. I can't wait to get there and see Coach Meyer and the National Champions. I will head to south Florida after that for a week or so.

John had always said he should write a book. I hope to start that on the plane rides and on the beach. We are still working on some tributes and memorials so I will keep you posted. I will be in the Cleveland Marathon on May 17Th. I'm going to do the half along with some nurses from Taussig, Jan is doing the full, and possibly Coach Timonere! We are all doing it through TEAM IN TRAINING, the foundation that raises money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We will be doing this in John and Luke's memory. If you are interested in this please let me know. You can participate in TEAM IN TRAINING events all over the nation. I think I also have plans to be at the finish line for Jan after the bike ride in Tahoe in June.

Coach Timonere put up what my brother and mom wrote and spoke at the funeral along with some pictures below. Thanks for all your continued support and prayers.

Eulogy From Sue...

The last time I was in this church was June 11, 2005; the day John and Jessica were married. It was an extremely hot day and many of you will recall that according to Tony, “we really needed rain.”

Most of you know the story of how John and Jessica connected. It was in August of 2004. I remember Jessica telling me about a week after their first date, “Mom, I think he might be the one.” I first met John, where else, but at a high school football game. I drove with Jessica to Cortland and we sat through a three hour rain delay. I met John after the game; you only had to meet him once and you fell in love with him instantly. John often joked that he knew Jessica was a keeper after she sat through that game. John and Jessica’s love affair was on a fast track. They were engaged in November and married in June. I often thought that John knew somehow that their time was going to be limited so they had to squeeze as much living as possible in to the time they had together.

John and Jessica had discussed his funeral arrangements and typical of John he wanted to make sure that it was not all about him and that someone would pay tribute to his Jessica.

When John was first diagnosed, I bought him a journal. I opened it the other day and immediately felt as if I had violated something sacred. We all know how much John worshiped and adored Jessica. After all, this was a man that took his wife to a New Kids on the Block concert last summer and even said he enjoyed it afterward. His love for Jessica was unconditional. But until I read the journal, even I did not understand how deep and abiding that love was.On the first page he wrote, "12-20-05. I dedicate this and my life to God and my wife-both of whom I love so much. Jess, I love and adore you so much. All I want to do is to go home and hold you and never let you go.”

In fact he started most of his entries with “I love God and my wife” (in that order). When he first started writing in the journal he made what we would consider typical journal entries; recounting his days and sharing some thoughts. As time went on however, the journal became a running list of what he loved about Jessica. John wrote, “this list is for Jessica Buskirk, it is an attempt by her husband to list some of the things he loves about her.”

The list went on and on for pages, but just leafing through the pages, I read, “I love the way you love me, the way you look at me, the sparkle in your eyes, the softness of your lips, your belly button, your toes, your giggle, I love laying next to you in bed. I love the way you take care of me and how you push me. I love shopping with you, putting groceries away with you, I love watching you get ready in the morning." I roared with laughter as I read the entry, “I love it when you act like your mother.”

He continued to write to Jessica, “I love seeing you happy, I love the way you forgive me, the way you accept my faults, the way you make me such a better person, your passion, your strength, your faithfulness, how you fight for me, the way you sacrifice for me. I love telling other people how incredible you are. I love my wife and all that she means to me, the way she makes me feel necessary and wanted, the joy she brings to every second of my life is indescribable. Thank you baby, for loving me.”

As was his love for Jessica, what a gift that journal is.

The family in friends talked about who might say something about John at the funeral, but where do you start? Where do you end? But after reading John’s journal, I started thinking about all the things I loved about John.
I loved watching you trudge up and down the sidelines
I loved the way you said, “exactly”
I loved our adventures, taking you places you had never been before-
I loved buying you things
I loved proof reading your papers
I loved hearing your stories about teaching
I loved how you listened to Tony talk about the farm
I loved how comfortable you were displaying affection publicly
I loved cooking for you
I loved watching you play with the dogs in the yard after Sunday dinner while Tony and Pat did the dishes
I loved how, even despite exhaustion and extreme pain, you called each nurse and caregiver by name and never failed to say “thank you”
I loved telling people you were our son in law
But most of all, I loved the way you loved our daughter.

I remember losing it in front of John on two occasions, sobbing uncontrollably, and each time as you would expect, John comforted me. The first time this happened, he said, “Sue, the past three years have been incredible” And again, last week, when he laid near death in the intensive care unit, I started to cry as I tried to tell him just how much I loved him. He struggled to find the strength to reach up and hug me and with a real sense of serenity, he said, “Sue, it is going to be all right, it’s OK,” and I knew both times that he was at peace with whatever God had in store for him. It was the rest of us who were struggling and it was for the rest of us that he kept fighting.

While John had many virtues, with John what you saw was what you got. Perhaps that’s what was most endearing about him. I remember one of the first times I met John’s mother, Kate. She described John as a “cement head.” Patience was definitely not one of his virtues. Even as he lay close to death last Friday, he was ready to get out of bed to head home, “let’s go, let’s do it.” And we have all found comfort this past week recanting the stories of his escapades with his brothers, cousins, childhood friends and college friends.

Whether you knew John for 33 years or never met him, he inspired, he made you a better person, he was self-less, courageous, gracious, and he epitomized goodness. Tony and I often said, he was an angel that was sent to heal our family and for that we will be eternally grateful.
-Sue Stocker, John's Mother-In-Law

Eulogy From Pat...

I am sure everyone here today would have liked the opportunity to speak about our friend John. I feel honored to have the chance to share some of my memories. Over the past couple weeks, I have marveled at the people in John’s life; from his childhood friends, who would probably lay down in front of car for him, to his friends in college who seem more like brothers, to his doctors and nurses at the clinic especially Moe, to Urban Meyer who lifted John’s spirit in times when you wouldn’t think it possible. The list is endless and I have been so impressed by so many of the people here today and your willingness to help in any way possible. It has been a blessing to the family and for that I thank you. Of course, I would not think anything less but to associate John with good people.

I know John helped to make me a better person and he will continue to make me a better person. His core values, unbelievable fight, kindness, love, faith and everything about him was pure. He was one of those rare people who you struggle to find something bad to say about.

We all know John could be counted on as one of your best friends; he was a teacher and coach. His teaching and coaching extended beyond the classroom and the playing field. He helped mold many young people’s lives. You only have to look at his football players sitting here today to see the impact he had on them. It is so unfortunate that John and Jess did not the opportunity to become parents. They would have been wonderful parents. And their children would have had true role models to look up to.

I flash back to a scene from one of my favorite movies, Gladiator when during the movie Russell Crowe playing Maximus says, “what we do in life echoes in eternity.” To me this is so fitting for John’s life. It is important that John’s life, and especially his fight over the past couple years not be forgotten. It will be a long time before you hear me complain about how tough my life is. His love for life and people and his values will be something I pass on to my children. Years from now I will sit down with my kids and teach them about their Uncle John. If I have one request of people here today it is please do not let the teachings of this man go to waste. I believe God put John here to make us all better people. Please even if it is just one thing that you found to be special about John try to take that and incorporate it into your daily lives. If we do this his life will certainly echo in eternity and the world will be better because of it.
-Pat Stocker, John's Brother-In-Law

Calling Hours at Sts. John & Paul High School
Left to right: Donnie, Jake, Jacob, Erick, Eric, Jessica
Kneeling: Mike, Jeremy and Steve

The First Of Many Thank You's From Jessica...

Coach Timonere, Jacob, Eric and Jessica with autographed football and helmet from Coach Meyer and Tim Tebow.

**Many newspaper articles about John have been added in the right column of this page under favorite sites.

I want to thank you all for all your support, prayers and for just being there for me and both of our families. This is a first of many thank you's I need to get out and if I miss some, thank you cards I will be getting to them eventually.

I want to thank you all for coming to the calling hours and funeral, whether you are family, friends or have never met John or myself or any of the family. He, I'm sure, is so grateful to have the family and friends we have. The calling hours and funeral today with the amount of people that came through truly shows what type of person my husband is. He will be extremely missed and never forgotten.

Thank you to the Behm Funeral home. I have known all of you since I was little and to Trevor, thank you for everything.

To Saints John and Paul and the whole Herald family for everything you have done for us in the past, present and future. I don't know what John and I would have done without our Herald family.

To Jim Timonere. I don't know where to start; John and I love you, Janice and the kids. Thank you for being there and for continuing to be.

To all of the Costello's. I again don't know where to start. I love all of you.

To Gordo and Steve. Again where do I start? You guys have been there for us since John got sick. I was so happy to get out to see all of you this summer.

To the Saints John and Paul Football team. I thought I was going to have make sure you all would be ok, but you guys are taking care of me! I love having you guys around and being able to talk to you.

To the Laurello's and Bowdens. Thank you for Thursday night. That made John proud to have everyone there to remember him.

To my family. Thank you for everything you have done for John and I. I don't know where I would be without my family and all of these people.

I know I have missed a lot of people in this and I'm sorry. There will be more thank you's coming.

One final thank you to the Star Beacon and the sports department. Bob Ettinger, you started getting our story out to everyone. We couldn't have gotten a better writer; thank you and to the rest of the sports department. Thank you from the both of us and our families.

This blog will continue to be updated. We will have more pictures coming. There are also some memorials in the works to be in John's name that I will have more info in the coming weeks or months. I will continue to use John's email address as that is both of ours. Many things will be happening to keep John's name alive and his spirit, so please keep checking the blog.

Coach Meyer and I will be working on a couple of things in the near future. I will also be working on getting Leukemia more recognized to hopefully get closer to finding a cure to this horrible disease and everything that comes with it.

Thank you all again and I will keep in touch. The above photo is from Wednesday night with Coach Timonere, Eric Simon and Jacob Flautt with the helmet and football Coach Meyer and Timmy Tebow signed.

My Husband...

I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for all your thoughts and comments. My parents, family, friends and myself love reading all of your comments. It is amazing the amount of people my husband has touched in many different ways. Thank you for all of your support and incredible kindness during this most difficult time.

I cannot explain to you what this man means to me. He is my life and my time with him was way too short; but we packed a lot in these short years together. I love this man more than you will ever know. He made my life better from our very first date. We knew that first date when it was over we were meant to be together. I have learned so much about life these past four years and John taught me that. No one should ever have to go through what John and I did in the first years of marriage. John no longer has to fight and endure what he has the past four years. His suffering is over and for that I am happy that he doesn't have to take everything he has gone through.

I'm so happy I got him home to where he wanted to be. If the last thing I could do for him was to get home to be with me, our families and friends and most importantly our dogs that he missed so much that makes me feel so much better that I got him there in time.

My life will never be the same ever again but I know he will be with me and never leave my side because that is what he promised to me. I thank God every day for bringing us together I'm still dealing with him taking him from me and I'm sure I will fight with that for a very long time; but one thing I know is that John Buskirk loved me and will never stop. Thank you all for all you have done and continue to do for us.

-Jessica Buskirk

Arrangements For John David Buskirk...

Arrangements have been made for all of John's family and friends to say goodbye one last time and honor his life and time with us.

The Behm Family Funeral Home will be handling the arrangements for John's funeral.

Calling hours and visitation will be on Friday January 16th, from 2:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. in John Mahoney Gymnasium at Sts. John & Paul High School. The address for the school is 541 West 34th Street in Ashtabula, Ohio 44004.

The funeral service will be at Assumption Church on Saturday January 17th beginning at 11:00 a.m. The address for Assumption Church is 594 West Main Street in Geneva, Ohio 44041.

Jessica, her family and John's family cannot thank all of you enough for your overwhelming support for them in this most difficult time. Your words of encouragement and kindness to John are helping ease their pain. We hope to give John and his family everything they deserve as we honor his life and the lives he touched this Friday and Saturday. We hope to see you there and hear your stories.

As we get closer to the weekend, if there is any other information you may need, we will pass it along to you.

Home Where He Belongs...

**Pictures have been added below this post of John surrounded by family and friends at his home. A Benevolent fund has been established for John and his family at KeyBank. You can visit any KeyBank and make a donation to the John Buskirk Benevolent Fund.

Surrounded by his dogs, dozens of family and friends and Jessica in his arms, John went peacefully home to the Lord at about 6:50 p.m.

The entire day was filled with family and friends, sadness and laughter, football highlight films and most importantly, being in the presence of a great man and his incredible wife. What this loving couple has had to endure over the past years cannot be explained in words and I am confident not many couples would do it with the love and adoration of each other and an entire community. They have touched people across the nation.

Early in the day, John's boys from the team visited for a few hours during the time John was most lucid. They saw Coach Buzz in action during the 1991 Herald Football Season in his highlight film. John got to be in one more team photo with the boys before they left. Many of his coaches, classmates from the St. John days and colleagues visited. We know he was aware of everyone's presence.

We know John was laughing his you know what off when a bed was delivered and after setting it all up, it didn't work. After three different flashlights, manipulating a lamp to use and almost taking apart the entire bed, we gave up and brought in another from the truck. We could almost hear John saying "I'm fine here, and I'd rather be on the couch."

I cannot tell you what this man has meant to me personally and professionally. I cannot imagine how he has touch you in your lives whether it be for just a moment or a lifetime. Although our time together on this Earth has been cut short, we will carry John with us in our hearts, in our minds and in our soles.

As soon as the family confirms the arrangements for calling hours and the funeral, I will post them here.

Rest easy and without pain, my friend...we will all see you soon in heaven.

Surrounded By Family & Friends...

Happy To Have John Home...

Surrounded By Family...

Friends...

Coaches...

And His Herald Football Team, Past & Present...

Time To Come Home...

John has decided it is time to come home. At around 10:30pm or so, an ambulance will take him from Cleveland to their home in Ashtabula County.

John & Jessica received word today that his only kidney was beginning to fail, and the infection was most likely progressing in his body. He would have to be on dialysis and the surgeries would continue to try to get ahead of the infection. There was great fear in the possibility they would not be able to get John off the ventilator and if they could not, he could never come home, regardless of how bad it got. John has said from the very beginning he did not want to die at the Clinic. When the options were laid out for him, he told Jessica it was time to go home.

Hospice will be at the house with him and he wants to see everyone that wants to visit. Please call Jessica ahead of time so that they can expect you.

His boys from Sts. John & Paul are heading over tomorrow along with many friends and family. We are all taking this very hard, especially after what seemed to be a successful surgery Tuesday night and of course the Gator win last night. He did speak to Coach Meyer this afternoon when the decision to come home was made.

Jessica and I will keep you updated as events unfold. Hopefully by tomorrow, she and John will have a better idea of what is ahead.

The support and adoration for John has been amazing and you have helped the family so much with your thoughts and prayers. This is going to be a tough week and the support is needed more than ever. John will be much happier to be home with Jessica and his dogs, surrounded by friends and family.

We will update you tomorrow. God bless you all, and may He hold John and his family in His hands.

BUZZSTRONG Attends National Championship...

Coach Meyer holding the National Championship trophy, and wearing the BUZZSTRONG bracelet as promised...

John had an exhausting day, filled with friends and talk of the game. There were over a dozen people at the Clinic to visit with him and watch the game.

When I got to Cleveland to see John and Jess, he was asking about the game and it was only 5:00pm. He had talked to Coach Meyer and Coach Addazio earlier, and Coach Meyer was sending him text messages as they were getting on the bus, traveling to the game, and when they were getting off the bus. As you can see from the photo above, he wore the BUZZSTRONG bracelet. As someone remarked as we watched the previews and beginning of the game, it was surreal to look at Coach Meyer and all that must have been going through his mind, and for him to take the time to give so much attention to John. This goes to show you what type of man Coach Meyer is and the effect John has had on so many lives.

John was taken for an MRI before the game to see if the infection was spreading anywhere. The results looked good and he was back in time to see the kickoff. His movements and context of conversations were a little off, and there was some concern the fungus may have spread to his brain. The MRI ruled this out. They believe John was just exhausted from being up most of the day after surgery and the excitement the surgery was a success. I'm sure he will be tired today after being up all night watching the game.

He is scheduled to have surgery again today at 2:00pm. From what the doctors reported yesterday, the edges of the area looked good and they did not see it spreading. They will take all the dressings and packing out in surgery to make sure today and remove any other tissue that looks infected. This senerio will play out a few times until they are certain it is all gone, and until his counts can come up and he can begin to fight the infection on his own.

Good news so far, and celebrating a National Championship...Prayers and support are powerful things...lets keep them rolling! Go Gators!